


The Bet

by Metamorphosis2011 (Methamorphosis2011)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abstinence, Chastity, Dean is a bit of a dick, First Time, M/M, just putting the tag here to be on the safe side, mention of religious themes, very slight allusion to dubcon (blink and you'll miss it), virgin Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:30:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1325002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Methamorphosis2011/pseuds/Metamorphosis2011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester was not the kind of man to back away from a challenge, in fact he loved it. Life was for living, not to be complicated with things like morals or emotional attachments. He also found it very hard to say no. That was why he ended up agreeing to having one week to seduce the sexy, but somewhat awkward guy with the mesmerizing blue eyes, that had walked into the restaurant that evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small idea of mine; I started working on when I needed some distraction from my other, more angsty fic I currently work on. It is basically a classic romcom story, and as such it is quite straightforward, but I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. It definitely is something a lot lighter than my other writing. 
> 
> Fair warning: Dean is a bit of a jerk for the most part, as you would expect in this type of story, but like in your typical romcom it includes an eventual happy ending. 
> 
> Also, in part the idea of this fic, i.e. Cas being part of a chastity group and Dean's speech at one point during the story, is inspired by 9x08. I was just trying to turn this somewhat debatable episode into something more positive.
> 
> The story is all written out, just chapter 2 and 3 still need some tiding up but I shouldn't be too long in posting them. This is unbeta'ed and as such all mistakes are mine and mine alone (although I tried my best to catch them all).

**The Bet**

"NO way!"

"Mhm. I'm telling ya."

"What? All of them?"

"Affirmative. Come on Ash, just look at them. For one, look at the clothes they're wearing. When was the last time you saw a whole group of people in turtle necks, in _September_!? And then the way they hold themselves. Basically screams 'never been tapped'."

"Oh, and I bet, you would just love to 'tap' some of that."

Dean nodded enthusiastically. What was there not to like? Teaching a blushing virgin a few tricks of the trade? He could think of a worse way to spend his Saturday evening. But before he could answer his friend, they were rudely interrupted by their boss, old slave driver that he was.

"Hey! I'm not paying you asshats to just stand and have a nice natter. Get your pretty asses back to work. Table 4 is still waiting to have their order taken." Crowley's annoying voice and even more annoyingly British accent cutting their rather entertaining conversation short.

"Got it." Dean said, smirking. "Watch me," he winked at Ash before sauntering towards table 4, which seated the rather illustrate party that had been the focus of their exchange. Six girls and four guys, in age ranging from early twenties to early thirties, Dean would guess. And all of them 'screamed' never been kissed at him. Oh, he would be having some fun tonight.

He plastered on his brightest smile, focusing in on the red head that had grabbed his attention the minute she had walked in.

"Good evening. My name is Dean and I will be your waiter for tonight." He passed around the menus and threw in a wink for good measure and bingo, the red head, while managing to hold his gaze, was definitely blushing. Dean would bet she was a feisty little thing.

"Would you like to order any drinks while you decide on your food?"

There was a short conversation between the people at the table and then it was decided that they would order a couple of bottles of sparkling water between them and three were even daring enough to order a coke. 'Raunchy' Dean had to bite his tongue to not let that slip out loud. But honestly, water? On a Saturday night? Seemed like these guys needed more than just one stick removed.

"Coming right up." He grinned and walked back to the bar.

"Definitely virgins. The lot of them. Unless it's an AA meeting. Water, they ordered water!" Dean said like it personally offended him.

Ash just laughed. Obviously his bar tending skills would not be needed for table 4 tonight.

"Still, the fiery red. I caught her eye."

"You're so full of yourself." Ash teased while pulling out the glasses and four bottles of water.

"Erm…" Someone cleared their throat behind them and Dean spun around being met with the bluest set of eyes he had ever seen.

"Can I help you?"

"Ah, yes actually." Blue eyes said quietly as though he didn't want to be overheard.

"See, it is my friend's birthday tonight, we are sitting over there." The man pointed to the table Dean had just taken the order. How had he not noticed him and those eyes? Ah yes, red head.

"Your girlfriend?" Dean asked curiously.

"No, we're …part of the same group."

"And what group would that be?" Dean leaned in a bit, flirty grin on his face, seeing his chance for some information.

He could see the man tense and pull himself up, like he was preparing himself.

"The St. Mary's Church Pre-Marriage and Chastity Group", he said sternly, like he was already waiting for the ridicule.

"Ah, ok. Dunno how you guys do it, but 's cool." Dean smiled briefly turning and giving Ash a raised eyebrow before turning back and smiling at them man, who seemed surprised by Dean's fairly relaxed reaction (not having seen the 'I told you so' smirk).

"So anyway, I was … I brought a cake and was wondering whether it would be possible for it to be brought out at the end of the meal?" Blue eyes continued.

"For you… anything!" Dean teased, lips curling into an easy smile. Ash kicked him in the shin. Bastard.

The man averted his gaze for a brief second, almost like he had to gather himself, before looking back at Dean, but not saying anything.

"The cake," Dean said, a teasing lilt to his voice.

"What?"

"You gonna have to give me the cake so I can bring it out later."

"Oh yes. Of course. Here." Blue eyes briefly looked over his shoulder to see if he was being watched before turning back to Dean and handing him over a small plastic bag he had been clutching to his chest.

"Candles are inside and…"

"Relax. This is not the _first_ time I'm doing this." Dean winked, hoping his innuendo would not go unnoticed.

"Erm… Of course. At the end of the meal. Thank you." And Dean could bet the guy sounded flustered. He rested against the bar as he watched the man head back to the table, admiring his very nice rear.

"Ok, first I was totally right!" Dean beamed cockily. "And second, forget red head. I'm gonna get into that." Dean whispered leaning close to Ash. "I like them coy even more than I like 'em feisty".

Ash just shook his head. "Man, slow down, you gonna give me whiplash. That was a quick change of mind."

"You know me. Always been an equal opportunity kinda guy."

Ash rolled his eyes. "Whatever, but, ignoring the fact that the guy is probably as straight as the stick you want to pull out of his ass, what makes you think that he would be just rolling over and spread his legs for you?" Ash now all but whispered, careful not to be overheard.

"Hey! Who says he'd be the one doing the spreading?" Dean made a rude gesture with his legs and how was that even possible.

Ash almost choked on his own saliva. "Dude, TMI! But honestly, if he hasn't done it yet, he clearly is not just going to give it up for any Dick, John or Mary that comes his way, even less for some manslut like you."

"Well, I might just be that awesome. Also, that guy - as gay as they come, repressed virgin or not. I'm telling you!"

"Tell you what. You manage to get into that guy's pants within a week and I give you 100 bucks."

"Why not make it 200."

"God, your ego is so over-inflated, how do you not just spontaneously combust? But- Deal! Easiest 200 bucks I've ever made."

Dean gave his friend a cocky grin as he picked up the tray with the glasses. "Watch and learn, watch and learn my young apprentice," he laughed, swinging his hips as he walked back to table 4.

#

Dean knew he was good. He never had a problem scoring anyone he set his sight on, although admittedly, those people generally didn't have a vow of abstinence hanging over their heads. But that just made the whole situation even more appealing. Dean loved the challenge of getting someone's attention and then systematically taking them apart until they were putty in his hands, and he basically could fuck them right there and then, wherever there and then happened to be.

He went for full on charm offensive. Giving everyone on the table almost equal amounts of attention (after all he needed the tips, his brother's college didn't pay for itself) but letting his eyes and smile rests slightly longer on the dark haired man, whose name still escaped him, 'accidentally' brushing against him as he refilled his glass, or leaning in close as he picked up the empty plates. All these gesture were to be explained away innocently enough should Dean need to but he had the distinct feeling that that would not be the case. As much as the man tried not to show that he was affected whenever Dean was nearby, he had caught him staring once or twice, blue eyes fixed on his form only to be quickly averted when he had been found out.

He just needed to somehow get this guy alone for a minute, or find a way to get his number. And Dean knew this was not one of those situations where asking the guy outright would go down too well. Stealth was what would be needed. It would come to him. It always did.

"Dean."

"Gimme me a sec, Ash." Dean hissed, in the middle of restocking the drinks cabinet.

"Ok. Not that I couldn't do with easy money, but I like a fair fight. Just thought you might want to know that my 200 bucks are about to walk out of the door."

"Shit, what?" Dean's head shot up. "They haven't even paid yet."

"Yes, they have. Crowley took care of it, while you were busy daydreaming."

"Shit, shit, shit," Dean cursed under his breath, leaving the bottles abandoned on the floor, and bolting towards the door, in time to catch up to the object of his desire.

"Hey," he said breathlessly, turning on the smile factor.

"Yes?" the man turned around, looking at Dean perplexed.

"I … erm, I was thinking, would you want to meet up sometime."

"What?"

It took a second for the man to catch up with what Dean was asking.

"I, you know- I'm flattered but I'm not, I don't…" he stuttered, eyes darting between Dean and over at his friends who watched the scene with amusement from where they were waiting on the sidewalk.

" _Oh_ , no, no no no… I mean, I just, I guess you got me curious about, like why would someone choose to, you know… _not do it_."

At that the man's blue eyes lit up slightly. "Oh, you want to talk about chastity."

"Well, I know it's too late for me but…"

"No, see, it's never too late to recommit yourself but, it's probably not the best place to discuss this here. I can give you my number and we can arrange to meet, if you wanted, I could ask my pastor along."

"I… if it's ok, I would like to talk to just one person first, it's kind of a sensitive topic." Dean smiled shyly. He could go for coy too, no problem.

"Of course, you got a pen?" The man's voice all but softened at his request.

"No, just punch your number in my phone." Dean said taking out his phone and handing it over.

He watched mesmerized and long slim fingers made quick work of the number (and imagined what else those hands would no doubt also be good at doing) before handing the phone back to him. Dean looked at the new contact curiously.

"Castiel. That's an interesting name." The man rolled his eyes. "Sorry, bet you get that a lot."

"You could say that. I'm normally free in the evenings so whenever you feel ready."

"It's my day off tomorrow." Dean burst out.

"Oh, ok, well- give me a call and maybe we can meet up. I have to go now." Castiel said pointing at his waiting group of friends.

"Of course, thanks. Nice meeting you Castiel." Dean smiled and held the door open for the man to walk through. He sauntered back towards the bar, grinning cockily at Ash and holding up his phone.

"And that's … how it is done!"

"Smooth. Got to give you that. Still one week and counting!" Ash laughed before turning back to wiping down the bar.

#

"Nice place you have here." Dean sat in the middle of Castiel's living room, on the couch with Castiel sat opposite him in an armchair. He had texted him in the morning and to his delight the man had agreed to meet him in the afternoon for a chat.

"Thank you."

"Can't be cheap, what you do for a living?"

"I teach, middle school." Castiel replied, locking eyes with Dean before looking a way again.

"Cool. Never thought it would be enough to rent a place like this though."

"I was lucky I guess. Inherited some money which allowed me to buy this place."

Dean nodded in understanding. "Lucky indeed."

There was a small silence, enough time for Dean to turn on the smile factor, fixing Castiel with his gaze and, not so subtly, letting his eyes wander over the man's form. If he had noticed, he wasn't showing it, his own blue eyes staring back into Dean's, making Dean shift in his seat. God, the guy's eyes were something else, and Dean had to get his mind out of the gutter fast before he would embarrass himself, as he imagined staring into those eyes as he slowly fucked into the man.

"So you're a waiter full-time?" Castiel asked, trying to keep the nervous tension out of his voice. The man was unsettling him in a way that was making him feel twitchy, but also had an appeal of 'forbidden fruit' about it.

"No, I'm actually a mechanic. I do waiting on the side, to help put my little brother through college. Bright kid he is, got a scholarship to Stanford believe it or not."

"Wow, so two jobs. That must be- tiresome."

"It has its moments, but sometimes I meet great people, like you." Dean directed a smile at the man opposite him, and was pleased to see him turning away for a second, clearly affected by it.

What followed was a short awkward silence, which Dean used to make himself more comfortable on the couch, slouching back, bringing his arms up behind his head for a long stretch, knowing full well his tight fitting black t-shirt would ride up just enough to expose a tiny slither of skin. It was a proven move and always had the desired effect. Yes, he knew he looked good and he wasn't afraid to use it.

Castiel could feel his face flush. Of course, he put it don to the fact that he didn't really have much experience with introducing people to his 'life style' if that was what you could call it, rather than being affected by the man on his couch. While he understood Dean's desire to not have too many people present when first addressing these issues, he now wished he had someone else here with them. Whether for Dean's or his own benefit he was not too sure about at this stage. He had spoken to his pastor and he had given him some pointers. Make small-talk first, get the person to feel comfortable and relaxed. He hadn't mentioned anything about making Castiel feel relaxed though, and he could feel the tension in his shoulders. No point dragging this out any longer.

"Erm, so, maybe best to jump straight in, what do you want to know?"

Dean had to give it to Castiel, he was definitely holding his own, although he had noticed the way the man's eyes briefly found their way down to his midriff, resting there just for a second or two, before coming back up to focus on his face.

"Ok, so, I guess there is not much point in asking you why you're doing this. I assume it's got to do with your upbringing, your religious beliefs and …"

"Well," Castiel interrupted him. "While you are right that my faith does encourage waiting until marriage until having sexual relations with another person, it is more than that for me. I don't know about you, but to me the idea of finding someone you can share this most intimate act with, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with - to be the first person to touch them in that way and in return for them to be the first person to touch you, is very appealing. It is what I want. Call it romantic or old fashioned or whatever but to me that what makes this whole thing special. Don’t you, I mean - I don’t know you but I could not image just "doing it" with someone. I need to get to know them, establish a connection. You know."

Dean's sarcastic brain supplied 'how would _you_ know' and he had to work hard not to let it slip. On the flipside, Castiel sounded so convinced and after a moment Dean could do nothing but listen to his voice, captivated by the low rumble. He probably only caught about fifty percent of what the man actually said. Because, God help him, he had a voice to die for, and Dean could listen to it all day. So he was kind of sad when Castiel finished, looking at him, clearly waiting for his input.

"Ah, well, never been one for that kind of personal attachment, I'm more a love them and leave them kinda guy," Dean joked, before remembering why he was here, "but… what you say sounds nice, if it's you know, your thing. But while I kind of get the whole not having sex until marriage thing, you surely must have you know… pleasured yourself in other ways?" There just was no way someone of Castiel's age had not indulged in a little self pleasuring.

"You mean masturbation?" Castiel asked bluntly but not flinching. He had heard those questions before, although they normally didn't come attached to such a nice package, and Castiel gulped, he didn't want to think of Dean as anything other than someone enquiring about abstinence.

"Yeah, I mean that's not like having sex really, is it?"

"I know you're gonna laugh but no, I have never masturbated."

Dean's " _whaaaat_?!" rang loud and clear around the room. "Dude, how is that even possible, I mean, what are you doing about morning wood for example, and don't tell me you're not getting that, you're a guy for goodness sake." Dean looked like his green eyes were about to pop out of his head.

Castiel let out a nervous laugh. "Well, I am but a man and, of course, on occasion I wake up aroused or, had the odd wet dream. After all I am not foolish enough to guilt myself into thinking I can control my dreams. But anything conscious, like touching myself or seeking pleasure in that way, no."

"So you never, touched yourself down there? Not even a bit? Not even when you lather yourself up in the shower or - just gripped yourself tight when the pressure was really getting too much - I assume you don't watch porn - but there must be things that arouse you- and relishing in that sweet tight pressure and promise or relief as you press into your hand, letting the thumb slide over the head of your cock and feel your whole body shiver at the touch as you gently rock into your closed fist, just feeling the friction, working yourself closer to the edge and -"

"Dean!" Castiel's strained voice effectively cut Dean off. And Dean could be a total bastard and shove his by now straining erection in Castiel's face, giving him something to really get flustered over. But the way the man looked nervously at anything but him, made Dean reconsider; it was not the time yet. The guy would no doubt panic and probably throw him out. Instead he rearranged himself, hiding his hard-on as best as he could.

"Please, could you … stop talking about it?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, got carried away." Dean smiled impishly. "Just don’t get why you can't even do that. I mean, if I, you know, was considering this whole recommitting and abstinence thing, would that involve no jerking off as well? Because I have to outright tell you, I don't know if I could do that." Dean leaned in a bit for dramatic effect, fixing the blue eyed man with his stare.

Castiel felt hot and flushed and not at all sure how to answer that question, and Dean really needed to stop looking at him like that. As far as he was aware all his friends in the group did abide by the no masturbation rule, but then again, what people really got up to within their own four walls he had no idea. And while he had managed to keep himself pure, he would not condemn anyone who had resorted to the occasional 'helping hand' if that kept them from the bigger evil of having random sex with someone.

"I guess that would have to be between you and God, or whatever you believe in, in the end. Maybe, if it would help you feel like you need it in order to hold to your commitment, then- I don't know, maybe it would be permissible!"

There was an awkward silence, which Castiel eventually ended by asking his guest whether he wanted a drink which Dean gladly accepted. Castiel returned after a brief trip to the bathroom, with two glasses of lemonade and placed on in front of Dean on the coffee table, taking a sip of his own.

"So, in all your years, you have never met that someone special yet?" Dean changed the subject subtly. Also, because he kind of wanted to know. Was there never even the real temptation for the man to take things further?

"Well, short answer is no, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't still be part of the 'club'." Castiel smiled, making his eyes crinkle up at the corners, Dean couldn't help but notice.

"So no special lady ever caught your eye? Or maybe - _guy_?" Dean knew he was pushing it but the way Castiel took in a deep breath; he knew he hit a nerve. Bingo. His gaydar hadn't failed him yet.

"Dean I- I can't …it's not…"

"Don't tell me your one of those homophobic extremists who thinks gays are all sick or something and need therapy." Dean rolled his eyes. Abstinence he could deal with, it was a choice but being gay, or as he was, bi, that was not a fucking choice and he had no time for people who believed otherwise, not saying that this would stop him from still wanting to fuck Cas senseless.

"No, in fact our church is actually fairly open; we have out lgbt members in our church. Still I-, and this is were you will disagree with me, I consider marriage to be valid between a man and a woman, and as I also believe sex belongs in the context of marriage - well you see my predicament. The general idea that as such you either have to stay celibate or find a suitable partner of the opposite sex."

"That's just crap." Dean burst out way too passionate for his own liking. He was here to get a job done not to take a personal interest in Castiel's slightly skewed outlook on life.

Dean saw Castiel flinch at his outburst and he had no idea where that had come from. It was definitely not the way to charm himself into the guy's pants. But the man had just looked so sad for a moment, that Dean couldn't help but care, although he knew caring generally didn't get you anywhere in life.

"Sorry man, Just, you're telling me that it's not ok for you to find someone you might actually love and have a loving committed relationship with just because they're of the same gender, but that it would be totally ok for you to go and marry some poor girl under some pretence, probably making both of you miserable in the process, just so you can uphold some weird outdated interpretation of marriage? I just don’t get it, how would that be fair on anyone?"

And oh god, Castiel looked like a kicked puppy just then, and Dean wanted to go over and just give him a big hug, telling him that is was ok, and that was not something Dean Winchester did, ever! Unless it was for his little dork brother. Shocked by his own impulses, he stayed where he was, giving Castiel time to think, and himself time to get back on track.

"No it probably is not fair, but when is life ever fair?" Castiel said after some deliberation. "Still it is what I believe and I am hopeful that one day I will meet someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with and if not, I just have to find myself a riveting hobby to keep me busy." And he let out a small chuckle that Dean couldn't help but find endearing, no matter how forced it sounded.

"Right, like fishing," he grinned.

"Fishing, yes," Castiel returned the sentiment with a small grin of his own. "But really this is not all about me," he didn't like the focus to be on him. "What made you even consider the idea of abstinence?" This thought had crossed his mind more than once since last night. Dean just didn't seem the type at all, but he knew better than to judge a book by its cover. He firmly believed in second chances, or even third if need be.

"I don't know, man, just you know or – well, you don't know- the sex is all nice and stuff but I never take the time to get to know someone first, and I'm not getting younger." Dean chuckled. "Also, what you said kind of sounded nice, the whole spending time together first. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what being in love feels like so, when I saw you guys yesterday, it just made me think. Maybe it's time to try a different approach."

"So you wouldn't miss the whole being with someone like _that_?" Castiel's lips curled into a tiny smirk, and was he actually flirting with Dean or just yanking his chain?

"Hell yes, I would! But maybe there has to be more to sex than 'hello and goodbye' and if not doing it will help me figure it out, then maybe that's a sacrifice worth making." Dean said and hoped he sounded sincere enough. To be honest, just imagining possibly two weeks without doing it, would be a challenge. Well, technically it might be as much as three, he had been to busy these last couple of weeks to take anymore home. He hoped he would crack Cas way before then or his right hand might quite possibly suffer from RSI by the end of this.

"You - well, you surprise me. You are not what my first impression was telling me." Castiel sounded honestly surprised.

"And what was that?" Dean leaned forward a bit, capturing Castiel's gaze with his own. And damn, those eyes again!

"Total flirt, desperate to get someone to bed on a Saturday night, in short, total douche." Castiel stated dryly.

"Well thanks for the 'douche'," Dean sniggered, "and guilty as charged for the flirt but no, I was actually not trying to get anyone into bed, just can I be honest with you?"

"You shared your masturbatory habits with me; I guess nothing you could say now would shock me." Now it was Castiel who was leaning in and Dean knew he had the guy's full attention.

"Ok, well, here's the thing, I-" Dean gave a dramatic pause, gulping. "I, when I approached you yesterday, I initially only really wanted to get your number."

"Oh, but Dean you understand that…" Castiel's face fell.

"No, please let me finish," Dean held up his hand dramatically. "I said I was trying to be honest here- and well, I liked the look of you, and yes, I thought maybe I had a shot. But now, talking to you, it – I think I get it … I never had a relationship and what you say sounds nice. I think I… would like to do that. Do the whole thing you were talking about. I never really take the time to get to know anyone. And _no_ , I'm not trying to come on to you here, so relax," Dean smiled at the slightly constipated expression Castiel pulled.

"I just, can you help me to figure this out? You know – help me along this whole 'wait until I meet the right one' path?" Dean hoped he put the right amount of stammering into request, adding a shy smile for good measure.

"Oh," Castiel was quiet for a long time, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Not sure which bit of information his brain should focus on first. So he was very surprised when the first thing that came out of his mouth was "so you're actually gay? I could have sworn you were flirting with Anna last night."

"The red head?" Dean chuckled. "I was." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not really limiting myself to one sex. What I mean is, I can find men attractive on occasion, and," Dean looked straight into Castiel's blue eyes. "At the danger of sounding sappy, when I saw your eyes, I wasn't really interested in flirting with anyone else anymore." And god, wasn't that the goddamn sad truth.

Castiel felt like a freight train had just hit him full on. His heart was hammering in his chest, he could feel his pulse speed up and his hands go clammy. He couldn't get himself to look away from the man opposite him. All the while his head was screaming 'danger, abort'. There was a reason he tried to stay clear getting too close to members of his own sex, it was all a simple exercise in limiting temptation, because a relationship with a guy could never lead anywhere.

Not being able or willing to focus and process the implication that this man, Dean, apparently found him appealing, he focused instead on the idea of helping a 'lost soul' on its way. He had never really been one for making friends but maybe he and Dean could become that. 'Partners in crime' so to speak. He seemed sincere enough, staring at him with his big green eyes. After all everyone deserved a second chance and who was he to judge Dean's past behavior if he wanted to change.

"I guess, I can try to do that. Hold on." Castiel said and jumped off his chair and left the room, coming back a few minutes later with a couple of books and pamphlets.

"Here, maybe try and read these. They have been very helpful to me over the years and might help you focus on what you want out of this and why it's worth doing."

"Ah, thanks man. That's… thanks. I'm not normally a big reader but I will give these a go" Dean said taking the books out of Castiel's hand and looking at them.

A tense silence set in the room as Dean studied the books and Castiel tried not to study Dean, with mixed results if he was being totally honest.

After leafing through the books for a few minutes, Dean smiled at Castiel and stood up. He didn't want to overstay his welcome, he done what he had come to do today. Best to leave while he was ahead.

"So," he cleared his throat. "When- I mean, can we meet again and talk some more about this?"

Castiel considered this for a moment, seeing Dean again was temping, then again seeing Dean again was _tempting_. He felt like he was being torn in half, and like he might regret whatever he decided to do.

"Erm- honestly, I don’t know how much more help I can be right now, but of course, if you need someone to talk I will be here. Just, maybe you want to come along to our meeting tomorrow evening?" That should be safe enough, seeing Dean again in a controlled environment so to speak. He noticed Dean's apprehension and nodded encouragingly at the man. "And before you say no, you wouldn't have to say anything, just sit in the back if you want. I promise we don't bite."

Castiel smiled, and god, with a smile like that he could probably sell ice to the Eskimos, Dean thought, letting himself indulge the view just for a moment. Seeing him again tomorrow was kind of vital, he was on a tight schedule after all, and he was sure he could endure the 'group' for one evening.

"Ok, I mean yes, I come, as long as no one is trying to convert me to anything." Dean smirked at the blue eyed man.

Castiel laughed at that. "Can't make promises, but if anyone tries, I'm sure you're old enough to stand up for yourself."

"Well, then it's a date." Dean added a little wink to his tease, just enough to make Castiel notice and blush (and wasn't that adorable) but not scare him off.

#

"I'm so in there, Ash, easiest 200 buck ever." Dean could hardly wait to call his friend and give him an update on how his meeting went.

"I believe it when I see it," Ash laughed at the other end.

"Seriously, you should have seen him when I shared some of my jerking off habits with him. I am positive he was sprouting a boner. Well, at any rate; he had to excuse himself to calm down. I for one know that my hand will definitely get a good workout tonight, the guy's just that hot."

"Again with the oversharing Dean!" Ash tried sounding affronted but Dean knew him better than that.

"So, what's the plan for loverboy then?" he inquired further.

"Well, I'm going to his group with him tomorrow – shut up Az – of course I can keep it in my pants for one night! Yes - I know it's a room full of virgins, I have willpower you know." Dean had to actually hold the phone away from his ear as Ash's ear-splitting laugh was in danger of bursting his ear drum. "I plan on a lot of hidden flirting and accidental touching, naturally all done with stealth as we will be watched, and of course some alone time after, maybe a kiss goodnight."

"Wow, at that rate you will bed him in like - a year." Ash hollered.

"Shut up, good things can't be rushed, and he is not easy, the man got class. He will feel to need respected first." Dean rolled his eyes at that, respect his ass.

"And you are the one to give him that 'respect'. Dean, you don't even respect yourself."

"Ouch, that hurts Ash." Dean sounded mock offended but couldn't hide the laugh. "Respect is overrated, especially when you could be having a good time instead. Well, anyway, I'm at my car, see you tomorrow."

"Laters." Ash hung up the phone still laughing.

#

All evening Castiel had had a feeling that he was royally screwed.

Well, that had _only_ been a rather abstract concept, up until the moment in the middle of the night when he woke up sweating and panting, humping his mattress, moaning at the friction and images of bright green eyes and broad shoulders vivid in his mind. He knew from the occasional wet dream, when he had woken up literally as he was about to climax, that he was almost too far gone to stop the impending release. Although he probably could make it to the bathroom and a cold shower just in time to stop this if he really wanted to. The only thing was that he didn't really want to stop.

Unlike previous times, when it had just been a physical reaction to a natural bodily need, Dean had provided his mind with plenty of fodder to put a whole new level to his arousal. Every brush of his erection against the mattress sent a spike of electricity through him. And the idea of imitating intercourse by thrusting into his own hand was definitely due to the man's vivid description of his masturbatory habits.

Castiel, sweaty and panting, fought for only about a minute with himself before lifting his hips up and push his pyjama bottoms and boxers down enough to give him access to his straining cock. He pushed his right hand between his body and the mattress, gripping his erection and gyrating his hips, humping into his fist. The friction felt heavenly and the way his synapses were firing, his muscles tensing in anticipation of release was so much more intense than he had ever experienced before. His hips thrust faster and faster as he buried his head in the pillow. In no time he could feel his body go rigid before the orgasm ripped through him. It was so strong that he couldn't stop himself from moaning as he shuddered and felt a wetness coating his fingers.

Castiel collapsed in on himself, for a moment too dazed to worry, but soon enough the gravity of what had just happened hit him full on, effectively pulling him back to reality. He really had no idea whether he wanted to laugh hysterically or cry at the loss of his innocence. Also, now he had to change the soiled sheets and clean himself up. On top of that how could he be expected to meet with Dean tomorrow and look into his eyes, knowing that the man and his stupid, perfect face had been on the forefront of his mind while pleasuring himself. He was supposed to help Dean along this path, not take advantage of him.

He could of course cancel on the man, although it felt wrong to lay the blame at Dean's feet. It was solely his lack of restraint that was to blame and Dean shouldn't be the one punished for it. The group would be good for Dean, and also Castiel had a distinct feeling he needed a boost in his convictions. He had managed twenty-eight years without getting himself off like that, what the hell had gotten into him? Not knowing what to do, he groaned into his pillow in despair.

Yes, he was screwed for real.

#

Dean had to admit he might have to readjust his world view ever so slightly. These people weren't quite as stuck up and prudish as he had always imagined. He was sat in the back, watching the 'proceedings', not sure what to expect. There had been a fair amount of laughing going on, as people generally caught up with each other's lives before the meeting was officially opened. People were curious as to who he was, some having recognized him from that night at the restaurant. Thankfully Castiel had intervened and they had pretty much left him alone after. Speaking of the blue eyed man, he had been rather funny and tense when he arrived, not really meeting his eyes, but over the last hour or so, he had loosened up, and glanced over at Dean ever so often, giving the odd encouraging nod. Although as far as Dean was concerned he was definitely sitting too far away from him. He would just have his eyes do the flirting for now.

People were surprisingly vocal about something they were apparently trying so hard to avoid, namely S.E.X. There was Steve, who had been dealing with his attraction to a co-worker who was making it very clear she wanted more than just friendship. He was encouraged to ask her out on a date. (So these guys were allowed to date, Dean's ears had pricked up at that. He naively had always assumed these kind of people just somehow magically ended up together or get married off). Steve was given tips on how to avoid the inevitable temptation of going too far, while seeing if this girl could be someone he might want to marry one day. Then there were Susan and John who had announced their engagement to the cheers and hollers of the group and Dean couldn't help but be swept up by all the commotion and feel happy for them too.

The rest of the evening was just a general sharing about struggles, followed by a string of tips and affirmations why it all would be worth it in the end. Dean at that point tuned out, resting his gaze on Cas instead, realizing he rather liked the pet name he just came up with for the man, and imagining things, all kind of good and naughty things. His mind slowly drifted to places that he should not be thinking about in a crowded room, especially a room full of virgins.

Cas' voice was soft and soothing and, god, oh so low and gravelly, Dean felt like he was being lulled into some kind of hypnosis by it and – WAIT! _What_? Cas was speaking, hushed and labored and – OH… _oh_! Did he really just say the word 'masturbation'? His face looked very flushed and he wouldn't meet Dean's eyes, instead focusing on the group leader, who smiled reassuringly at him, the rest of the group looking all solemn and supportive, nodding their heads ever so often.

Oh, this was gold! Cas had gotten down and dirty, after one, _just_ one pep talk from him.

Dean: 1, Cas: 0. Or well, maybe Cas: 1 too, being as he seemed to have taken the first step on his sexual awakening. Suddenly feeling very much more relaxed, Dean slouched back in his seat, stretching his legs out before him, letting the rest of the meeting wash over him.

#

"And, what did you think?" Cas said, pulling Dean aside after the meeting before the two or three people, he could already see edging towards him, could pounce.

"Honestly, better than I expected, you guys are kind of normal." Dean chuckled.

"Well, I wouldn't call us normal, but, thanks I guess," Cas huffed but his voice had a kind of fondness to it, that made Dean smile. Cas on his part had decided to try to not act weird around Dean, after all the man didn't know who the object of his fantasies was last night. Despite having felt the need to share and get encouragement from the group, there were certain things that didn't need disclosing.

"So, think you might want to come again?"

"You know, I think I might." Dean felt his chest tighten at the genuine smile Cas was sprouting. He shuffled his feet for a bit as they both tried not to stare at each other (too much) "So- the night is still young, fancy grabbing a beer- or coke or something."

"Dean! I do enjoy the odd alcoholic beverage," Cas rolled his eyes. "But I still have classes to prepare and-"

"Ok," Dean let his disappointment be apparent on his face, "I understand, just maybe another time to filter through all the info I got tonight." Dean waved goodbye and turned to leave.

And Castiel knew he would regret this, knew he should absolutely not even think about spending another second with Dean. He was a mess after just spending one afternoon with the man. But seeing him walk away suddenly seemed like an unacceptable option. "Wait," Cas called after him, grabbing his jacket and bag. "Maybe just one quick drink."

Dean smirked before turning around, face changing to a small timid smile.

Dean insisted on buying Cas a beer as a thank you for putting up with him, and after only a bit of protest the man accepted, making it quite clear that the next one would be on him. Dean smiled; he could definitely work with that.

They found an empty table at the back and sat down, both nursing their beer, taking the odd sip and looking at each other intermittently. Dean edging closer to the object of his affection inch by inch until their legs brushed and he felt Cas jump before he relaxed back against it with his own leg, trying his best to act like nothing was wrong.

It was Dean who broke the silent first. "Dude, that was – really brave back in there."

Cas looked at him confused before realization dawned and he looked away blushing, taking another gulp of his beer.

"Hey," Dean said, nudging his knee against Cas. "Nothing wrong with what you did, at least from where I'm standing, as you well know." He nudged Cas again and the man looked up, blue eyes meeting green and Dean felt his stomach give an excited flip.

"Just- I think it was brave sharing it with the group like that, and they all seemed -supportive."

Cas swallowed hard but nodded. "Yeah, guess I had a good run lasting this long," he huffed, sounding slightly bitter. He rather not talk about this with Dean.

"You're being too hard on yourself, you are only human after all." Dean smiled encouragingly, bumping Cas' shoulder gently with his own. Cas gave him a tired smile in return.

They fell into a tense silence for a few minutes, before Dean leaned in, whispering into Cas' ear, which had Cas' skin prickle when he felt Dean's breath ghosting against his skin. "You wanna know a secret?"

Cas looked at him, a nervous mix of curiosity and apprehension, but nodded after considering the question for a moment.

"I kinda did the same thing last night." Dean volunteered with a glimmer in his eyes, and Cas honest to god chocked on the sip of beer he just took, coughing and spluttering. Dean had to resort to patting him on his back as he tried to catch his breath.

"I did not need to know _that_." Cas rasped, trying to catch his breath, but he smiled at Dean.

Dean laughed in return, wiggling his eyebrows at Cas. "Well, shared misery and all that- guess I'm not doing so well on the abstinence front."

"Dean, it's- don't beat yourself up, it's like changing a habit, it will take time. At least ‑" Cas fixed him with his blue eyes, shining with the tears from his coughing fit. "You didn't end up taking someone home, so that's a start, right?" Cas said with a straight face, although Dean could see the twinkle in the man's eyes.

"You know me too well already," Dean smirked, relaxing back into his seat and slinging his arm around the back of Cas' chair, and when the man didn't protest, left it there, resting it loosely against his upper back, feeling the heat of Cas' body slowly seeping into his arm. He hated to admit this, but he actually enjoyed the man's company. He had a feeling there was a witty, dry humored, snarky SOB hiding in there somewhere, and Dean really wanted him to come out and play.

They finished their beers and decided to call it a night. Dean insisted on walking Cas back to his car.

"So, thanks for a 'memorable' night." He said, shuffling his feet, not wanting to go quite yet.

"Likewise," Castiel smiled and before he could process, he was pulled into a hug by Dean. He normally wasn't very big on the hugging front, so it took him a moment to move his arms, which were loosely hanging by his sides, and placing them around Dean's waist and back, giving him a few 'manly' pats on the back before detaching himself.

"So- we should do this again."

"The hug?"

Dean laughed. He was really starting to like Cas. "Well, we could do that too. But I meant, hang out."

"Yeah, we should." Castiel didn't actually want to say that, but his mouth suddenly had a mind of its own as he smiled back at Dean.

"Night, Cas" Dean waved as he turned around to walk to his own car.

"Night, Dean," Castiel couldn't hide the grin on his face at the pet name, and for the umpteenth time in two days had a distinct feeling of being absolutely and utterly screwed and not really being able to care about it. He might have to re-evaluate his outlook on life. He had a distinct feeling he would be doing some googling tonight.

#

Tuesday was a bit of a washout as far as getting to the next stage of 'plan Cas' was concerned. Dean had texted him during the day, to ask if Cas wanted a repeat performance of last night (hug optional) but he had to decline, as he had a students-teachers evening to attend, something which apparently he was only allowed to miss in case of his impeding death.

Dean initially had not been to please as this blew a big hole in his tight schedule, as tomorrow evening he had to work. Maybe he was pushing his luck a bit only having given himself seven days to seduce Cas. But no, he didn't want to entertain those thoughts, he would just have to try harder tomorrow.

But as it happened, he needn't have worried too much. They ended up texting each other throughout most of the evening, probably talked more than they would have if they had met up, and Dean was starting to see a whole new side of Cas. To his own dismay, he had to admit he actually thoroughly enjoyed their texting ping-pong. Cas' texts were getting increasingly frantic and questioning his sanity ever having chosen this profession and Dean being his shoulder to cry on so to speak. Maybe this getting to know someone before you have sex wasn't such a bad concept after all. If anything, Cas became more appealing to him by the minute. That thought unsettled Dean deeply so he shoved it to the back of his mind, instead taking good care of himself in the shower that night, letting his mind go freely to the things he would want to do to Cas when they finally got there.

Cas for the first time since he could remember having to attend parent's consultations, went to bed giddy and not the zombie he normally turned into. Dean had taken his mind sufficiently off bratty kids and demanding parents, all thinking their little precious is the next Einstein. Really having someone to share things with made life that little bit easier, and more enjoyable.

For a short moment he had even considered calling Dean to ask if he still wanted to meet up, but then he remembered the lesson plan he still needed to draw up and he couldn't let his professionalism slip just because he might or might not start to get attached to the man. It scared him how in the short span of a few days Dean had wormed his way into his life and Castiel needed a day or two to analyse where that might possibly leave him.

#

Cas was startled by his phone going off, being absorbed in grading some school papers, something which had managed to occupy his thoughts and stop him from thinking about Dean and how he already missed the man after not having seen him for one day.

**\- HELP -**

He looked at the text message in confusion, it was Dean. Speak of the devil! He was not sure how to answer that, when his phone pinged again.

**-** **CAS** **HELP ME -**

**\- What with? –**

**\- MY VIRTUE -**

**\- ??? Care to elaborate –**

Castiel stared at his phone for a few long minutes, finger hovering over the call button. What a weird cryptic message to leave him and then not follow up with an explanation. Dean was definitely one of a kind. When the phone finally rang, Castiel was so taken by surprise that he almost dropped it.

"Dean, what is going on?"

"Sorry, had to find a quiet corner to hide in before I could call you. Cas, seriously, I need your help man."

"Of course, Dean. Just it would really help if you told me what with."

"I- I really want to do this abstinence thing but- there is this guy, god, he's been chatting me up all night, and I can't just walk away because I'm working, and damn it Cas! I'm about to give in. I'm only human after all and it's been like two weeks and he is basically offering himself up to me and-"

"Dean, take a deep breath."

Cas listened to Dean's breathing for a moment.

"Ok, calm now."

"Now, you calling me is a good sign. You obviously really want to give this a go. Remember you don't have to be a slave to your impulses. If you don't want to do this, you should just go and tell that man to leave."

"Cas, I tried ok, but the guy just won't take no for an answer. Now he moved to the bar and he is basically eye fucking me, and worst of all, he would be totally my type. I'm so close to caving - Cas help me. I'm about to close up here and if he waits around for me after, I'm done for."

Cas groaned, he could feel the man's desperation in his voice, but what was he supposed to do from all the way over here.

"Dean, just- I don't know what to tell you, stay strong?!" Oh god that sounded like such a platitude even to Castiel's own ears. "I've never been in a situation like that."

"Come down here, Cas"

"… What?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but maybe if he sees me being picked up by someone he will just let it go and, Cas you're my last hope." Dean pleaded, while leisurely leaning against the wall.

Cas had no idea what made him agree. He must be possessed or something. He barely even really knew the guy and already he was going out of his way helping him.

"Ok, I'll try and get there as fast as I can."

"Thanks, Cas, you're a real friend." Dean hung up and strolled back into the restaurant, giving the guy at the bar a wink, which he returned with a nod.

Cas must have broken a speed limit or two, as barely fifteen minutes later he walked through the door, scanning the room for Dean. He wasn't hard to spot as the only people left were a few members of staff and a big, burly guy sitting at the bar, being all up and close in Dean's personal space. And Cas had no idea why, but his stomach was coiling at the way the guy eyed Dean like he was a pound of meat.

"Dean," he called out as he walked up to them. Dean detached his gaze from the man in front of him and beamed at Cas with those hypnotic green eyes which made Castiel go weak in the knees.

"Hey, baby," Dean exclaimed, coming out from behind the bar, strutting up determinedly towards Cas.

Castiel's eyebrows went so high, they almost disappeared into his hairline at the term of endearment, but before he could say anything else, Dean was right in front of him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Cas, just go with me," he whispered into his ear before facing him, fixing him with his gaze but a second before leaning in and brushing his lips against Cas'.

Cas' brain went offline at the sensation of Dean's lips against his own. He couldn't even move to push the man away, couldn't move at all. Only when he felt Dean's tongue licking against the seam of his lip, did he spring back to life, a low moan escaping him as he tried to do the right thing but instead found himself opening his mouth to grant Dean entry.

Now it was Dean who was moaning deep in his throat as his tongue met Cas', sliding hard against it. He brought one hand up to the back of Cas' head, pulling the man in even more, deepening the kiss until they were both breathless and he had to pull away.

"I won't be a minute, hon," he smirked cockily at a shell-shocked Cas, who could be dead for all he knew, the way he was standing stock still. Dean waltzed back to the bar, giving the man at the bar a wink.

"Guess that's my queue to leave," he said as he pulled out some money from his wallet and placing in on the bar, giving Dean an accompanying wink.

"No bad feelings," Dean said as he took the money. He owed Benny, BIG, for this favor, but a distinct lack of suitable guys to flirt with during tonight's service had left him with little choice but to improvise. He gave his friend one last nod before excusing himself to get changed out of his work clothes.

He had a hard time to hide how giddy he actually felt. Kissing Cas had been, well, amazing. He had thought about what it would feel like for days, and he knew it was a bit of a dirty trick but he had never said he would be playing fair. And there was no way Cas had not enjoyed the 'Dean Winchester' experience judging by that whimper that had escaped him.

"You're one lucky bastard," Benny hissed at Cas as he walked past, keeping up his appearance as scorned one night stand for a bit longer. Dean must really like this guy to go through all this length to get his attention. And who was he to refuse to play a little cupid along the way.

Cas still stood in the same spot when Dean returned, but as soon as he noticed him approach his face went from shocked to thunderous. Dean put up his hands in surrender.

"Cas, I'm sorry, ok," he worried his bottom lip. "Just, I know those kind of guys. He would have seen right through it if we would have kept this strictly platonic."

Cas' blue eyes were boring into him, and Dean felt himself equally scolded and aroused by the display. He bet Cas would be awesome at angry sex, all rough and commanding and, shit, now was not the time to think about this.

Cas still had trouble forming thoughts, let alone words. He wanted to feel angry, violated at having been used in this way, but his lips were still tingling from when Dean had kissed him. To be honest, he had no idea who he was madder at, Dean for not asking for his permission beforehand or at himself because while he should have hated it, he had very much enjoyed their lip lock.

"Cas," Dean tried again when the man remained silent.

"Don't Dean." Cas cut him off. "Let's just leave it at 'I'm glad I could help'." Although his face portrayed a whole array of different emotions, none of them could have been described as 'glad'.

"Yeah, thanks," Dean said, still staring at Cas, assessing the situation meticulously. He kind of felt like an ass all of a sudden. Maybe he should have given Cas some warning. God, he didn't even know whether Cas had actually ever kissed someone, but if he had, Dean would bet his life that definitely had not been another guy. That thought made him feel even shittier. But in good old fashioned Dean Winchester fashion he laughed it off.

"I guess that leaves my new found virtue intact for another day." He smirked.

"I'm sure you can take it from here." Cas simply said, still too bewildered by this all to even meet Dean's eyes.

"Cas, please." Dean pleaded, what for he didn't quite know. He just wanted for the man to look at him.

"I need to go home. I still have to finish grading my papers." Cas stated somewhat detached, meeting Dean's eyes briefly before turning around and walking out of the restaurant.

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean yelled after him, not sure he actually heard him. And god help him, he even meant it. He hadn't seen the other man upset before and he definitely didn't like it. Well, he had no idea how he had expected this night to go, but he had envisaged something more along the lines of having Cas pushed up against a wall, devouring his every part slowly and thoroughly. Clearly, he had overestimated his pulling power, or underestimated Castiel's determination on the matter. Then, there was the very real possibility that he just didn't do it for the man, and oh god, was Dean having an existential crisis? He simply was not used to being turned down and couldn't help the brief moment of panic. It was almost enough to have him head to the nearest bar and take home the first person that caught his eye, but only almost. Thing was he didn't really want to sleep with anyone else but Cas. So, this proved a bit more difficult than his average hook-up, it would just add to the fun when he finally got there. Cas would be worth it.

With that thought, he locked up, quickly headed to his baby and drove home, not before he shot of a quick text to Cas, apologizing again.

* * *

 

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Also feel free to say hi on[ tumblr](http://metamorphosis2011.tumblr.com/), where I generally spend my time indulging my Destiel feels.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly later than I had hoped, here is chapter 2. Officially there is one chapter left but I probably will add on an epilogue as of course the chapters keep getting longer the more I fiddle with them.

Cas groaned silently as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket yet again. He had no doubt about who was texting him, and how on earth was he expected to teach a class of rowdy hormonal kids while constantly being distracted by Dean? It must be about the tenth text he received from the man, apologizing for last night and Cas could feel his resolve to stay the hell away from him collapse like a house of cards.

So far he had resisted the temptation to reply to any of Dean's texts. He just didn't know how to deal with any of it, so not doing anything had seemed like a viable option. One thing he did know was that, despite the dubious delivery, he had enjoyed the kiss, having replayed it over and over again in his head during a rather long and restless night. Part of him wanted to do it again, and the other part wanted to punch Dean for springing this on him. He was pretty damn certain that if he allowed Dean back into his life, he was in real danger of developing romantic feelings for the man (then again who was he kidding, he felt that pull ever since that first talk in the restaurant). It was like the guy and his stupid green eyes and freckled nose had put a spell on him. He had never felt like that about anyone and that was a whole other problem Cas didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole.

Yet by lunch time, and the twelfth text, he caved. There was only so many times a person could apologies to him before Cas couldn't help himself but to forgive. After all, that was what most of his belief system was build upon, and why should Dean be the exception to that rule.

**\- You can stop texting me now. You're forgiven –**

**\- thank god –**

Dean replied and Cas thought that would be the end of it, but he clearly didn't know Dean Winchester.

**\- let me make it up to you –**

Came another text not five minutes later. Castiel could feel his pulse speed up. The prospect of seeing Dean again was exciting. He was quickly losing his internal battle of finding reasons to stay away from the man. He might just have to establish some ground rules, at least for the time being while he was trying to work out his feelings for Dean. And not springing kisses on unsuspecting people was extremely very high on that list. Something like that was definitely reserved for the dating stage as far as Cas was concerned. And wow, did he seriously just put 'Dean' and 'dating' in the same sentence?

Cas knew that realistically he might have to reassess his views on marriage and companionship, because for all that it was worth, he could see himself grow old with someone like Dean, something he so far had never experienced with another person, least with someone of the opposite sex. And he started to doubt his conviction of rather wanting to stay alone and take up fishing than to be with someone, even if that someone was of the same sex. Because love was hard enough to find as it was, and surely 'man' was not meant to be alone. Cas put his head in his hands and groaned in frustration. When had his life started to go from straight line to this zigzaggedy ball of 'who the hell knows where this is going'?" And when the hell did he start to stop caring? After a few minutes of deliberation he decided it would be worth the risk.

**\- what did you have in mind? –**

And that was that. What followed was a quick string of texts and pings, and Cas' face turning more and more into a smile, which, if Cas had taken the time to actually look up from his phone, led to his colleagues studying him with increasing amount of bewilderment. Castiel, while always polite and courteous, was not exactly known for his jolly nature or bright smiles.

**\- let me cook for you –**

**\- You can cook? –**

**\- I'm full of surprises –**

**-you don't say –**

**-** **CAS** **? is that a yes? –**

**\- honestly, I don't know –**

**\- please –**

**\- ok –**

**\- my place at 8? –**

**-Yes –**

**\- great, you won't regret this –**

Cas snorted, which earned him even more confused looks from his colleagues. He was actually pretty sure that he already regretted giving in, or at least he should.

Halfway across town, Dean hollered and punched the air.

"What has you all perky and blushing like a virgin?," his boss Bobby grumbled from where he was perched over the engine of a Toyota.

"Nothing," Dean shrugged his shoulders, quickly steeling his features. There was no way he was blushing; Bobby must be pulling his leg.

"Boy, that was not nothing. Don't think I hadn't noticed how you spent all morning on that phone of yours. I should probably cut your pay. So what's up?"

"Just got myself a date." As hard as he tried Dean couldn't keep the grin off his face.

Bobby's head shot up, looking straight at Dean In all the ten years that he had known the boy, he had never heard him talk about having an actual date.

"A date? Must be one special lady to get you to commit to that, I thought you didn't do dates."

"Yeah, well, apparently there's a first time for everything." Dean grinned and left it at that, heading over to the car, he had been working on all morning, well more or less, when he hadn't been busy groveling to Cas.

#

The doorbell rang at five to eight and Dean cursed under his breath. He was nowhere near ready for Cas' arrival. He was clad in this stupid xmas themed apron, his brother had given him last year, his hands and face were covered in flour. Why had he thought it a good idea to make apple pie from scratch? Oh right, to impress Cas with his skills. Plus his mom's apple pie recipe was the best by a mile, and as the saying goes, the way into a man's pants was through his stomach, or something like that.

He quickly wiped his hands on the dish towel before pressing the buzzer. A moment later he opened the front door to an awkwardly smiling Cas, shoving a bottle of red wine in his hands.

"Here, I wasn't sure whether to – what to get. I think it is customary to bring something when you are invited to dinner - so I hope this is ok." Cas rambled in quick succession, and was he nervous? Dean smiled at the sight in front of him. Cas looked positively delectable. He allowed his eyes to roam over the very nice body. Cas was wearing jeans just the right side of tight and a blue button down which brought out the color in his eyes. Dean wondered whether he actually made an effort to dress up for tonight.

He realized he must have been staring, and cleared his throat, tearing his eyes away from Cas and looking at the bottle of wine in his hands.

"Yeah, sure – of course. the wine should go nice with the – lasagna." He smiled and stepped aside allowing Cas entry into his apartment.

"Nice apron."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, well, my brother has a very unique sense of humor." And what was wrong with him? He could feel his stomach flutter when his eyes met with Cas'. It must just be the excitement of the hopefully positive outcome of this night. Dean was optimistic tonight could be it. And damn that thought made him nervous as hell, because while this dinner really was primarily meant to be an apology for last night, with a setup like this there was always the chance of more. Not that he had much experience in romancing someone in this fashion. He could count the actual people he had cooked for in his life on one hand, and two of those were Sammy and Bobby, definitely not romantic interests!

"Make yourself comfortable," he motioned to the couch. "I'm afraid I'm running a bit behind with the food. Just there was this car that took longer than anticipated, but it was a same day job so me and Bobby ended up working late and-" Dean stopped, realized that now it was him that was rambling. And Dean didn't ramble. If anything he was a man of few and straight to the point words.

"Anything I can help with?"

"No. You're the guest and anyway-"

"Dean," Cas interrupted. "I really don't mind; just tell me what to do."

"Ok, but really there is not much left to do. The lasagna is in the oven and I am currently preparing the pastry for the apple pie. Mom's old recipe, but you could open the bottle of wine, if you wanted to."

"You bake, from scratch?" Cas couldn't help but sound impressed.

"Told you I was full of surprises." Dean smirked.

"I am beginning to see that." Cas laughed, taking in this new, domestic side of Dean. It suited the man, and Cas' mind temporarily wandered to mornings spent together, cooking breakfast in the kitchen after nights of- no, he had to stop this train of thought.

"So, wine- care to point me in the direction of your corkscrew and the glasses."

"First drawer on the left for the corkscrew and top left cupboard for the glasses."

Dean went back to focus on the pastry. Dividing it into two half, and rolling it out with the rolling pin, adding sprinkles of flour on the top along the way. He was painfully aware of Cas milling about his kitchen. Dean had never pegged himself for the domestic type but he had to admit it felt nice, sharing this place with the other man. At one point Cas tried handing him his glass of wine but Dean just waved his flour covered hands at him, which resulted in Cas bringing the glass up to Dean's lips to take a sip, and their eyes met over the rim of the glass.

Dean swallowed and hummed in approval. "Dude, I'm not normally the wine kind of guy but this shit ain't half bad."

"Glad you approve." Cas chuckled before his eyes started to fix on a spot just to the left of Dean's nose."

"What?" Dean asked, sounding somewhat self-conscious. Cas' eyes always managed to unnerve him, the way he stared at him, and he was so close that there was entirely too much blue in his line of vision.

"Erm, you have something – just there." Cas pointed to a spot next to his own nose, and Dean brought up his hand and swiped at his face.

Cas chortled. "Now you just made it worse." And Dean snorted, looking at his sticky hands and shrugging his shoulders.

"Here, let me," Cas offered bringing his hand up and using his thumb to wipe away the trail of pastry and flour. Dean's breath hitched at the contact, and when had it gotten so hot in here? And what the hell had gotten into Cas? He still looked at him, like _that_ , and had this turned from an "I'm sorry I was an ass" dinner to an actual date? Cas might actually make this very easy for Dean if he kept this up. And shouldn't Dean be thrilled about this development and take full advantage of it rather than feeling flustered all of a sudden. He didn't do flustered, not unless it was part of an act to help him to score. But god help him, he was actually lost for words as he tracked the movement of Cas' fingers with his eyes.

Cas felt a nervous flutter in his stomach at the contact. He had come with the full intention of taking things very, extremely slow and to establish some rules. He had accepted the fact that he was attracted to Dean, which was all the more reason to keep level headed but now, leaning in and kissing Dean again seemed like a very viable and tempting option. He liked Dean's brazen side but this new, slightly flushed version was also very appealing. He needed to find a way to make what he felt for Dean work with his beliefs. So he resisted the urge to lean in and instead took a step back, taking a big gulp of the wine to give himself, more precisely his mouth, something to do. This was all so new to him.

As Dean put the finishing touches to the pie, he couldn't help but notice the way Cas was chugging back the wine. At this rate the guy would be trashed before they would eat.

"Cas you might wanna slow down on the drink a bit," Dean advised against his better judgment, because surely a drunk Cas would be a pliant Cas. But while that would help his agenda, Dean liked his respective lays to be at least somewhat coherent and consenting.

"Oh, right," Cas looked at the now empty glass, like he hadn't even noticed it was empty. His cheeks were already flushed hot from the unusual amount of alcohol flooding his system. He grinned sheepishly at Dean.

"I might have a glass of water for now."

"That might be a good idea."

Dean finished off the pie and put it next to the oven, ready to go in once the lasagna was done. He washed his hands and finally took off the stupid apron.

His eyes wandered over to Cas again. He couldn't t help but notice the way he leant casually against the cabinet, and how he liked the look of Cas in his kitchen. He was also acutely aware of the man's gaze on him and he really had no idea what had gotten into Cas but he wasn't going to look a gift horse into the mouth. He smiled at Cas, letting his eyes rake not so subtly over the man's face and torso and very much liking the way Cas responded, blushing and his fingers playing with the rim of the glass nervously.

They made light conversation until the timer went off and Dean ushered Cas over to the table. Cas brought along the bottle of wine, pouring himself a general portion and filling up Dean's glass again, realizing to his dismay that that was the rest of the wine. Dean brought out the lasagna and a salad placing them on the table. He didn't care much for greens but had a distinct feeling that Cas might so he bit the bullet and got some pre-prepared fancy sounding Italian salad from the shop.

He served Cas before piling his own plate full with the delicious pasta dish, adding a small amount of salad for show, and sat down, next to the man, purposefully ignoring any personal space etiquette. If Cas minded, he didn't let it show, so Dean got comfortable and dug in.

"This is really good," Cas moaned around a forkful of food and Dean grinned at him.

"Honestly, I didn't want to believe you when you said you could cook, but wow."

"Should I be offended at that?" Dean turned to face the man next to him.

"Are you that easily offended?" Cas teased.

"Nah," Dean smirked. "It takes more than that to offend me."

They had moved on to some hard liquor for lack of another bottle of wine by the time Dean brought out the pie, and Cas again, was more than impressed with his baking skills.

He giggled as the hot sweet mess of apple and pastry melted in his mouth, the vanilla ice-cream adding another exciting texture to the mix.

"I told you it's good," Dean moaned around his own spoonful. Teasingly liking the spoon clean, being fully aware he was in Cas' peripheral vision.

Cas giggled again.

"What?"

"You know you make this look rather filthy what you're doing to that pie."

Dean wiggled his eyebrows and did the exact same action again, slowly moaning around the spoon before licking it meticulously clean, not taking his eyes off of Cas.

Cas swallowed, feeling an unfamiliar but exciting kind of heat pooling in his stomach at Dean's display. He could definitely feel the effects of the alcohol now. He didn’t often drink but tonight he just needed something extra, that little kick to loosen him up or he would have just stood shell shocked in a corner all night, unable to talk. And loosened up he was! He took his own spoon and mirrored Dean's motion of slowly taking the spoon into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around it lavishly, before slowly pulling the spoon out again, using his tongue to clean up anything he had missed before in long lazy swipes.

What the hell was he doing? He had never acted like this before. He was tipsy, yes, but not so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing. He probably should stop drinking. He didn't even like whiskey but regardless he took another big swallow, feeling the slow warm burn down his throat. And then he repeated the whole pie-spoon-tongue action. He had to admit he enjoyed the way Dean seemed to have stopped breathing and just stared at him. It made him feel powerful in a way he had not prior experienced.

He knew he was playing with fire here, but he couldn’t get himself to care or to stop. It felt like things would inevitably lead to this from the moment he had met Dean. Them here, and Cas wanting him, wanting things he had only ever dreamed about. And he knew it was too fast, not following the right order of events but he had never felt anything like this before. Maybe that had been why being abstinent had never seemed like a chore to him. He just hadn't met the right person. He suddenly felt a new appreciation for any of his friends who found someone they fell in love with while still managing to hold on to their convictions. Because right here and now, Cas was faltering, and fast.

Dean gulped audibly. Shit that was hot. He could feel his blood rushing south as he stared at Cas, watching his tongue dart out, imagining that tongue hot and wet on the tip of his dick. This was a really unexpected side of Cas and Dean knew a tease when he saw one.

"God, you're drunk." He laughed, as Cas quite obscenely made love to the spoon again. Not that Dean was complaining. His own pie was long forgotten.

"I might be ever so slightly inebriated." Cas conceded.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yeah, but I can just take a taxi back." Cas giggled.

Dean could feel his heart hammer in his chest. His next question might determine the outcome of the rest of the night. "Or- you could crash here, the couch is not too bad, plus if you keep drinking like that I bet you could sleep anywhere, _or_ you could-"

Dean didn't get to finish his sentence as Cas suddenly leaned in, messily smashing their lips together, taking him completely by surprise.

"Fuck," Dean moaned, as their teeth clashed and Cas' tongue lapped at the seam of his lips. Cas was clearly not very experienced at this, but to Dean this felt like the best, messiest, hottest kiss ever.

Dean grabbed hold of Cas by the neck and pulled him in more, taking over the kiss, dominating with his tongue as he pushed into Cas' mouth. He could feel Cas yield, and relax into the kiss, following Dean's probing and lead.

"Oh god, Cas," Dean panted when they finally had to break apart for some air. Cas was looking at him, face blotchy, eyes wide and blown dark with lust. But Dean could also see uncertainty in them.

Cas' head was swimming, partly from the alcohol, partly from the rush he experienced during the kiss. His lips still tingled from having been thoroughly worked by Dean. He desperately tried to get his brain to work again. Why had he done that? But before he could second guess himself, Dean's lips were back on his, moaning his name over and over again, as his tongue explored his mouth, and all Cas could do was hold on to Dean for fear of drowning in the sensation.

"Cas you have no idea what you're doing to me," Dean whispered into the dark haired man's ear, as he nibbled his earlobe, relishing in the shiver he felt go through the other man.

"Dean, I-" Cas moaned, tightening his grip on Dean's shoulders. Not at all sure what he wanted to say. All he knew was that he was aroused like he had never been before, his erection pressing urgently against the zipper of his jeans. He was so hard it kind of hurt, and he needed, wanted but he had no idea how to ask for what he wanted, how to formulate words anymore.

"Sh, Cas," Dean, shushed him, licking down his neck to his collarbone, biting and nipping at the skin there. "I'll take care of you, if you let me."

Cas trembled and moaned, which Dean took as consent. He pressed his lips against Cas' again while he pulled him up and never breaking the kiss maneuvered Cas back and out of the kitchen, along the corridor and into his bedroom. Cas responded eagerly, hands clutching to Dean's shirt, tongue now battling with Dean's.

Finally they made it to his bed and Dean pushed Cas down onto it, taking in the man before him, spread out, gazing up at him, looking positively sinful. Oh god, Dean wanted this guy like he'd never wanted anyone before. He wanted to take him apart and then put him back together again. Over and over. Not being able to hold back any longer, he eagerly climbed on top of Cas, straddling him by the hips.

Dean could feel Cas quiver under him, and leaned down, placing a rather gentle and chaste kiss on his lips, trailing his hands up his arms, coming to rest on his stubbled cheeks. He cupped his face tenderly as he deepened the kiss. It almost felt too intimate. He could feel Cas respond, pouring all of his emotions in the kiss, working his lips against Dean's, getting more adventurous the longer they kissed. Cas' hands tentatively started roaming down his back and coming to rest on Dean's waist, stopping like he was unsure how to proceed. It was so fucking adorable, and Dean needed more of Cas right now.

"You can touch," Dean instructed and he felt the puff of warm air, as Cas let out a deep sigh against his skin, having him come out in goosebumps. Cas' trembling hands found their way under Dean's shirt, nails gently scraping against skin.

"God, Cas, I- what are you doing to me?" Dean moaned, these barely there touches were driving him insane fast, and he needed to move this along or he would embarrass himself like a teenager.

He pulled himself back up to sitting, Cas hands were back at his hips, and he slowly started to undress the man, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time, intermixed with little kisses at each new piece of naked skin revealed. His gaze wandered up to Cas' face briefly, green eye locking with blue. The way Cas looked at him, eyes glazed over, knocked the wind out of Dean. He needed more, more skin on skin, more kisses, just more. He quickly pulled his own shirt off over his head before delving back down, capturing Cas' lips with his own, pressing his chest tightly against Cas', feeling the rapid beat of his heart in his chest.

Cas' hands roamed frantically over Dean's broad back and shoulders, nails digging in, leaving red marks in its wake. He again felt the need to hold on for fear of getting overwhelmed. Cas had always hoped it would feel like this, being intimate with someone. They had only known each other for a few days but he felt connected to the man in a way that he had not thought possible in such a short amount of time. He had never felt like this before, aware of every touch, every ghost of breath against his hot skin, his pulse hammering in his ears. Dean was slowly, methodically taking him apart. He was faintly aware that he was about to ruin both their attempts at abstinence but shoved that thought back into the recesses of his alcohol and lust addled brain. And while a small part of him wanted to protest, was trying to tell him to slow down, that this was not how he had intended his first time to be, the rest of his body just screamed more, effectively drowning the doubts out.

Dean's hands slowly stroked down Cas' chest and abdomen, excited by every moan and shiver he pulled from the man. His hands came to rest on Cas' belt, and Dean looked up, meeting Cas' eyes, before he started to undo the belt buckle, popping open the button, then torturously slow pulling the zipper down. He had to work hard to hold back, to do this slow, but he wanted to do this right, wanted this to be good for Cas.

He then shimmied down Cas' legs, pulling the man's jeans and boxers along with him, pulling them off and removing the socks as well in the process.

Finally, Cas was completely naked, looking absolutely breathtaking, his cock, hard and flushed an angry red against his stomach. Dean made quick work of ridding himself of his pants and boxers and climbed back on top of Cas, straddling him at the waist, experimentally rubbing their cocks together. Cas whimpered at the contact and brought up his own hips, desperate to feel that friction again. Dean perched over Cas, kissing him slow and deep, taking control with his tongue, as he trailed his fingers up Cas' thigh, scraping the skin slightly with his nails, eliciting a moan and a shudder from him. His fingers circled Cas' hip bones and ghosted across his stomach, smiling into Cas' mouth when he giggled

"Ticklish?" he asked breathlessly and Cas hummed a breathless "yes". And Dean did it again, eliciting another giggle from the man.

He took his time exploring Cas' body, sliding hands up to play with his nipples before bringing them slowly back down. He still hadn't touched Cas' straining erection, just teasing Cas with almost touches. He was so turned on by now, more than he had ever been. To finally have this was just amazing. Cas was so much more than just a warm body to get his jollies off. It hit him at that moment that he really, really liked the guy. They talked, they laughed, they even fought and yet here Cas was, trusting him to take care of him. It was too much; Dean suddenly felt very exposed and had to swallow back a sigh. He mindlessly said Cas name over and over as he ground his hips down again, Cas corresponding moans of "Dean" made his cock twitch.

Cas was begging now, for what he didn't really know. He needed Dean to do something before he would explode. Dean could feel the man's hardness press urgently into his thigh and finally couldn't resist any longer. He brought his hand down between them, two fingers stroking lightly up Cas' cock, trailing the vein on the underside.

Cas gasped and jerked at the contact. Dean gazed at him and was met with blue eyes, irises blown wide, staring back at him, nervous but trusting, trusting Dean to do the right thing, to take care of his just like Dean had promised.

And _shit_ , Dean could not do this!

He collapsed heavy on top of Cas, head buried in the crook of his neck, breathing hard and fast, trying to get himself under control. He couldn't do this. Couldn't take this from Cas. He was saving himself for someone special, and Dean doubted that this was him. He was no one special, especially not for an awesome guy like Cas. Fuck his life, but it suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. He cared for this guy. Somewhere along the line of trying to get into his pants, he had allowed feelings to get involved. He had no right; he knew how important this whole sex issue was for the man who was currently lying so pliant and wanton underneath him.

"Cas," he panted desperately. "I – we need to stop!"

"What?" Cas' confused voice rang through the room. "Why- am I doing this wrong?" His voice broke, faltering and timid. And Dean could feel his heart constrict. Fuck!

"No, god no! Cas. Quite the contrary. You're driving me insane, just, I know how much this means to you and, you're drunk and I just can't take this from you. Not like this."

Cas eyes locked on Dean's face, his vision was slightly hazy from the alcohol and his arousal.

"Oh," was the only thing he was able to say as Dean's words slowly started to make sense. This was probably the worst thing Dean could have said. Because now he was certain that he was falling in love with the man, who was currently resting heavy on top of him. And that, if anything, scared him even more than the possibility of losing his virginity. This meant re-evaluating everything he had come to believe in. Change his whole outlook on life for sure. But he couldn't shake the feeling that someone like Dean would be worth it. Now he was more convinced of that than ever.

"Dean," he whimpered, pulling the man in for a tender kiss, suddenly becoming very aware of their naked form and flushing bright red as Dean's hard cock brushed against his own.

"Urm, we should maybe-" he stuttered.

"Yeah, put some clothes on," Dean finished the sentence for him, suddenly feeling rather exposed himself. He reluctantly got off of Cas and fished for his shirt and boxers before finding Cas' and handing them to him.

When they were decent again, (apart from the clearly still visible erections tenting both their boxers), Dean crawled back up on the bad and lied down next to Cas, pulling the man in. Shit, if he considered cuddling, he was truly screwed.

"Hey," Dean smiled at him.

"Hey," Cas grinned back sheepishly, admiring the sight in front of him.

"So, what now? You're still-" Cas waved his hands in the general direction of Dean's crotch, and chuckled coyly.

"Would you hold it against me if I had a long shower in a bit?" Dean joked, slowly feeling like he was gaining back control. He was startled at the shocking revelation that he had just turned down quite possibly the best awesomest sex ever, _and_ , as his brain unhelpfully provided, lost the bet, because, fuck it, he had feelings for the guy. He wanted more than just a quick fuck with Cas and that thought was enough to make his chest constrict painfully. This was uncharted territory for him.

Cas chortled nervously, the thought of Dean next door in the shower, taking care of his needs was making his dick twitch in renewed interest and he had to turn away as he could feel himself grow hot again.

"Hey, don't go all shy on me now. You can have one after," Dean teased, placing a kiss in Cas' messed up hair.

"Nah, I think I'll manage," Cas replied, the idea of jerking off was still alien to him, and to do so with the knowledge of someone being next door was just too intimidating.

Dean smiled at the adorable awkward way Cas was looking at him, and pulled him in for a long, languish kiss.

"So, you know. I would- if you wanted to- god, this is hard. I mean- I have no idea how to do this properly." And fuck, he really was clueless, but if Cas was willing, he wanted to give this a go. See if he and Cas could become a thing.

Cas looked at him like he suddenly spoke another language. Blue eyes wide and expecting.

"I mean, I- we- I would like to- unless you're still of the opinion that you can't date another dude, and-"

"Dean," Cas groaned, pulling the man in for a kiss, effectively giving him his answer.

"Ok, yeah- great." Dean stammered, feeling fucking butterflies roaming in his stomach. "So- like do you expect me to court you? How does this work in your world?"

Cas laughed, pulling Dean against him. "Of course, and written poems and flowers, lots of flowers, and more pie, definitely more pie," he teased.

Dean already was busy sucking a big hickey on the side of Cas' neck so all he could do was hum his amusement. He hoped Cas was pulling his leg, because baking pie was one thing but writing poems- In retaliation he started to suck harder. He wanted to mark him, so nobody would get any funny ideas of approaching Cas. Cas was taken now.

###

The next morning Dean woke up, entangled with another body, and he smiled at the sleeping form next to him. He could get used to this. He placed a greedy kiss on Cas' lips, grinning when the man slapped him away, groaning. Not a morning person then, Dean filed away for future reference.

"I'm going to make some coffee," he said. "You take your time, but you do know that it is a work day."

Cas huffed, and willed his eyes to open, smiling tiredly at Dean.

"Coffee sounds great."

"Back in a bit," Dean leaned in, placing a peck on Cas' cheek before heading to the kitchen. He still couldn't believe it. He was attempting a relationship. His brother would have a field day with this. He had been on his back for way too long about this relationship stuff or more precise, the lack thereof where Dean was concerned.

Cas laid back, burying his head in the pillow, taking in the scent of Dean and smiling to himself. His head hurt a bit from the alcohol but he didn't care. He and Dean were dating, and his stomach flipped excitedly at the prospect. Everything else would work itself out. It would have to because if this worked between them, this could be it for Cas.

He reluctantly pulled himself up to a sitting position, grabbing Dean's phone to check the time. Ugh, he would have to be in work in two hours and he still needed to swing past his apartment to pick up his stuff, oh and have a shower, he was sure he smelled like a brewery.

He was trying to get himself to move, still holding Dean's phone in his hand, when he could feel it vibrate. Instinctively Cas glanced down at the screen, and damn fate or whatever, but Dean had one of those smart phones that displayed the message at the top and before he could look away he caught the words 'blu eyes'. He had little doubt that this could refer to anyone other than him; Dean had referred to his eyes plenty of time. Curiosity got the better of him and he swiped at the screen.

He could feel his blood drain from his face and his hands start to tremble as he read the message.

**U got lucky with blu eyes yet? I can already taste the money. 2 days and counting**

Cas' blood ran cold. He could feel his eyes water as hot rage started to bubble up. How could he have been so stupid? He had been played. Like a violin to the tune of Dean Winchester. He couldn't believe this. Had this all been just a lie, a ploy to get him into bed? Why had Dean not closed the deal then? Cas had been fully prepared to give the man whatever he desired last night. This all didn't make sense. Yet the message left little room for interpretation. Cas couldn't think, 'stupid, stupid, stupid! You're such an idiot' playing over and over in his head. He felt so utterly embarrassed. He knew he should face Dean and ask him what the hell was going on but he was afraid hearing the truth might break him. He didn't need the humiliation of breaking down in front of the man on top of everything else.

He quickly got out of bed, pulled on his clothes, searched and found his shoes, and raced past the kitchen and out of the flat.

Dean heard the front door bang.

"Cas?" he yelled out, popping his head round the door. When there was no answer, he went in search of the man, only to find his bedroom empty and any trace of Cas gone.

"What the fuck?" he groaned, carding his fingers through his short hair. Was Cas having a religious freak-out? Was the idea of dating a guy suddenly too much for him? But why did he just leave. They could have talked about that. He noticed his phone on the floor. Definitely not where he had left it and picked it up, dread slowly creeping up his spine.

He swiped the screen, the message from Ash still on the display.  

"FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fuck," he yelled. The fucking stupid bet. The bet that, as far as he was concerned, was nil and void. He had wanted to call Ash later this morning to tell him that the bet was off and he could have his 200 bucks if he insisted. Fuck. He should have just sent him a text last night. No, really he should have called it quits as soon as he realized there was more to Cas than just a pretty face. Hell, he should have never agreed to such a stupid, juvenile bet in the first place. What was he, 12?

He called Cas, leaving a message when he didn't answer, begging him for a chance to explain, telling him that this was not what it looked like. Well, of course Dean knew it kind of was but it wasn't at the same time. God, he didn't even make sense to himself. He had never expected to actually fall for this awkward, dry humored, blue eyed man who had walked into the restaurant not even a week ago. He paced the room frantically, clutching to the phone, hoping against hope that Cas would text him back. Or arrive at his door. Just give him the chance to explain. He called and texted again numerous times before he chucked the phone against the wall in frustration and sank to the floor. He felt his stomach lurch. Shit, he was going to be sick. He was so angry at his stupidity; if he could he would punch himself. Of course he had to fuck up the one good thing that had happened to him in years, just because he inherently was a dick.

How the hell was he going to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Dean kind of had this one coming, despite his late epiphany regarding Cas. Lies have a way to come to the light. And he will have some serious groveling to do. I am almost embarrassed that I have so much fun writing this, putting them through all this pain (especially as this started as a happy distraction from my other fic). Now I'm off to hug Cas.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for the delay in updating. This chapter had been sitting on my laptop, virtually done, but I just didn't find the time to finish it till now. I hope it was worth the wait. And as it did ended up longer than anticipated, there will now be an epilogue.

Of course, Cas didn't text back. He didn’t show up at Dean's apartment, or at the restaurant, despite Dean having begged him via voicemail to just come and talk to him. There was no sign of life from the man in any shape or form. His phone went straight to voicemail every single time Dean tried. By the evening he was at his wits end. Bobby actually sent him home early from work because according to him Dean 'couldn't get his head out of his ass' long enough to actually focus on work. Not that Dean could blame him; he had his phone in his hands more often than any of the actual tools. Bobby had offered a bottle of beer and a listening ear but Dean would rather die than to admit to his father figure what an extreme dick he had been.

At his evening job he was close to giving Ash a decking when his friend wouldn't let up on the bet and the money. So what that Dean hadn't texted him back with any 'progress' updates. He just wanted to forget this whole sordid bet ever happened in the first place. Still, when Ash didn't get the idea of just letting it the fuck rest, Dean all but screamed at him, using his break to storm across the street to the atm and then throwing the fucking 200 bucks in his face. He snapped at him to enjoy his victory and that he was done with this juvenile shit. Ash was gloating about the fall of the 'mighty Dean Winchester'. Dean did shove him then, not that Ash really deserved it, after all he didn't know about Dean's complicated emotional status right now. He just wasn't in the mood telling his friend the whole story so telling him to 'fuck off' seemed like the more viable option.

That in turn let to a severe telling off by Crowley, who made it very clear that such behavior would not be tolerated in a 'high class establishment' like his was. Dean was tempted to laugh in the British midget's face but managed to swallow it down. He needed this job and therefore needed to keep his trap shut, as much as it pained him.

After work, and still no calls later, he even went to Cas' apartment. But there was no answer and although Dean must have waited half the night, freezing his balls off in his car, Cas had been a no show. It was like the man never existed. He placed a note through the letterbox, yet again begging for a chance to explain, before driving home and using what was left of the night to get shit-faced.

He might have actually drunk dialed his brother as at about 10am there was an insistent knocking at the door, accompanied with the all too familiar "Open the door, jerk."

Dean rolled off the sofa, empty bottle of whiskey still clutched to his chest, and for a second considered whether he needed to go and throw up first, before crawling to the door. Shit, he hadn't been this hung-over in a very, very long time. And all over some guy! Some amazing, funny, weird guy with blue eyes and- Dean's stomach lurched as he opened the door.

"You look like crap."

"Hello to you too Sammy." Dean groaned before finally his stomach decided it didn't want to hold on to the alcohol any longer and he legged it to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

Sam rolled his eyes. Dean knew he hated being called 'Sammy', but he let it slip this time. It appeared like his brother was suffering quite enough already. Sam had no idea what he had gotten himself into this time, but it had been a while since Dean had called him at 5am, not making a lick of sense, talking about some guy called 'Castiel' and some bet and Sam could only assume that he somehow managed to gamble away his months earnings or worse.

Knowing how careless and self-destructive his brother was at the best of times and also because Sam really owed him a lot, with the way Dean supported him financially through his studies, he thought he better check up on him, bring some painkillers and if need be give him a kick up the ass.

Half an hour later, Dean was back on the sofa, eyes closed, as it was way too bright in this room, and waiting for the painkillers to kick in. He could feel his brother's glare on him. He didn't need to look at him to know he probably was wearing one of his trade mark bitch faces.

"So," Sam's voice boomed through the room.

"Noise, man, too much noise." Dean whimpered.

"Suck it up. What I want to know is what you gotten yourself into this time."

"Nothing." Dean whined, pressing his index fingers into his temples.

"Yeah right." Sam snorted, rolling his eyes.

Dean grunted and flipped him the bird.

"Ok, let's start at the beginning. Who's this Castiel dude?"

Dean groaned. Why had his drunken ass self thought it a good idea to call his brother? The last thing he wanted to do was to tell his well adjusted, well behaved and very mature kid brother what a jerk he had been. More precisely how he had tried to get into the pants of some virtuous religious, albeit hot, dude, just because he thought he could. And what he wanted to tell him even less was how he, Dean 'I don't do attachments' Winchester, had actually fallen for the guy and managed to ruin it all in one go. God, he felt like throwing up again.

"Deeean! What did you do?"

Dean swallowed back the bile, a new wave of nausea hitting him. "I, shit, Sammy, I'm the world's biggest jerk."

"You think?"

Twenty minutes, and a wide variety of Sam's judgmental faces, later, Dean finally finished telling the whole sorry tale.

"Dean, you're now officially the biggest ass I know. You really surpassed yourself this time."

"Sugarcoat it for me, won't you Sammy." Dean grumbled. Not that he didn't know that already.

"I honestly am lost for words, and bearing in mind I am training to be a lawyer, that is saying something."

Sam glared at Dean, but suddenly couldn't help feel sorry for his brother. God knows for years he had begged, implored and whined at his brother to find someone to settle down with. He hated the idea of Dean all on his own, trying to find company in random hook-ups and quick shags. Sam knew Dean had issues as long as his arms he didn't want to address, all based around low self-esteem and abandonment issues but Dean, master of suppression, would never admit to them. This made it even more remarkable that Dean had opened up to someone else. Somehow this Castiel dude had managed to get under his brother's skin, break through the defenses and make Dean care, only for his brother to piss it all away because he apparently was still some immature imbecile who thought behaving like a teenager was acceptable.

"Dean you idiot." He huffed again. "You better try to find a way to fix this, or at the very least apologize to this Castiel."

"I tried, ok. He just keeps ignoring my calls. He obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. And can you blame him?" Dean snapped.

"So, what, you called him a few times, swung by his house and now what? You're just giving up?"

"What else can I do? Probably he will be better off without me anyway."

Sam grunted. "Dean, I love you but sometimes I could just punch you in the face. Yes you've behaved like a jerk and no one deserves to be treated like that. But also I know you, and you don't normally let anyone get this close, affect you like this. This guy obviously must be someone special. So for the love of god, stop moping and get your act together. Figure something out! Isn't he worth the risk?"

Dean dwelled on that for a long time. His normal MO would be to give up and move on. After all there were plenty of fish left in the sea. But none of those fish were Cas. Cas was different, managed to make him laugh, to actually want a kind of life he so far had only sneered at. And fuck, his brother was right. He had to try to get through to him. But in order to do so he would first need to find the man. There was one last place Dean could think off where he might be able to run into him.

#

"Castiel, come on, you've been on this couch non-stop for the last four days. I'm fearful I might have to extract you surgically from it if you don't get your lazy ass up any time soon."

"Leave me alone, Gabe."

"No, you're done moping! And gimme that bottle. I never had you down as the kind of guy to drown his sorrows with alcohol. Something else you picked up from that Dean?"

Castiel near flung the bottle at his brother. "No, I can manage to get drunk all by myself, believe it or not," he snarled.

"Easy there bro." Gabriel snatched the bottle and set a big glass of water in front of Castiel. "I get it, this Dean guy really did a number on you, I really do. But- you know it takes two to tango, right?" Castiel glared at him like he was going to try and smite him by his willpower alone.

Gabriel cleared his throat. "What I mean is that despite the charade, you were actually willing to throw away your whole belief system after what, knowing the guy for less than a week? Castiel, that part was all you despite whether anything else was real and that is not the brother I know."

"I don't need reminding of that." Castiel buried his head in his hands and groaned in frustration. "I was stupid and impulsive. Still, I would not have done so if I hadn't been fooled into thinking it to be a relationship of substance."

"God Castiel I can sympathize." Gabriel smiled sadly at his brother, still angry on his behalf and wanting to give this Dean a piece of his mind. "And my offer to pay the guy a 'visit' still stands."

"And I told you before you wouldn’t stand a chance against him. Sorry Gabe but god's gift to fighting you're not."

"I can try, also there are other, more creative, ways of getting even." He added with a smirk. "But regardless, by hiding yourself away like this, you basically let him win. Let him still have power over you. You need to make up your mind what you want to do. You are stronger than this."

"What would you have me do?"

"Well, for one, go back to work. Even the average 'flu' will only keep you from work for so long before your employers will start asking questions."

Castiel humphed, of course he knew he couldn't hide way here forever, but he had never taken a sick day until now so work could just suck it up until he was feeling better.

"Don't humph at me. You know I'm right. And then, if it was me, I would give this Dean a piece of my mind. I know that's not normally you, Mr. Second Chances, but people like that need to learn they can't just stamp all over someone's feelings."

Castiel gulped. He didn't think he could stomach facing Dean again, not yet. He couldn't even get himself to delete those voice messages Dean had left. He knew he should but for some reason he hadn't. And he really should hate the guy, but mostly he just felt stupid, oh so stupid, and hurt of course. It had all felt so real, and a small voice inside his head was still trying to find excuses, looking for reasons, explanations, for a small hint that not all of it had been a lie. He was desperate to hear some kind of validation in the voice of Dean that what they had was real, maybe that was why he hadn't deleted the messages yet. Dean sounded honest to god distressed and Castiel had listened to the messages more times than could be considered healthy.

"Gabe, you don't understand, it-, I feel so stupid and- and yet, I miss him" There he said it, and god damn him it was the truth. How could he still miss the person that had betrayed him on such a basic level? "I don't know what would happen if I saw him again. I really thought I found something there."

Gabriel gave his brothers shoulder a supportive squeeze. "Ok, so maybe no face to face just yet. But still, you will need to find a way to move on. So I'm going to do you a favor. This is the last night I let you wallow on my couch. Tomorrow I expect your sorry ass back at work. And we're gonna take it from there."

Castiel grumbled something that could have been agreement or discontent but deep down knew his brother was right. He had to be done moping and get his life back under control. Dean had been a pipe dream and maybe one day he would be brave enough to tell him just what a jerk he had been.

#

There was one last place Dean hoped to run into Cas and that was how he ended up going to Group on Monday evening. Everyone was so happy to see him again and made him feel welcome, it almost made Dean cry. God, he really was messed up but fuck, he didn't deserve their kindness. If they knew what he had done, Dean was sure they would kick his sorry as from here into next week. It was one thing talking about all this forgiveness crap but reality was a different beast. At the same time it kind of was his last hope, that Cas would find it within him to forgive Dean for what he had done, at the very least hear him out.

So he stayed and he smiled and even attempted small talk, all the while eyeing the door, heart getting heavier as time passed and there was no sign of Cas. No one had heard from him and when the meeting eventually came to a close, he still hadn't showed. Instead Dean had a handful of pamphlets and phone numbers in his hand, and offers of help on his 'journey'. He clutched those things in his hand as he made his way back to the car. Dean couldn't help but be worried. He really had thought if anything Cas would come here, to his place of support, to his friends. Cas didn't seem the type but what if he hurt himself? What if Dean's reckless behavior had pushed him over some kind of edge? After all, the man almost threw away everything he held dear. Dean had no idea what that might do to someone like Castiel. Or maybe he uprooted and moved away. How well did he really know the man after one week?

It appeared that life wouldn't allow him this one chance at trying to put things right. And he hated that he had turned into this needy, whiney, pathetic excuse for a man. He knew there was a reason why he didn't do feelings and attachments. They always get you hurt. Now all he had was some memories and an empty apartment. At least the bottle was keeping him company, not judging him and helping him to forget at night.

When Dean couldn't take the silence of his apartment any longer he shoved some clothes in a duffle bag and headed for his brother's apartment that he shared with two other guys, where he spent the next week moping on his rather small and crappy couch. His bastard brother (rightfully) bitched him out on a regular basis for being such an immature prick and to get his act together and find this Castiel. But he let him stay, leaving painkillers and water out for him in the morning, and Dean was very grateful for that.

People at work noticed but he didn't fucking care. Ash continued to gloat for all but two days about his victory before realizing Dean was being more of a moody prick than usual and that there was more to the story than he would let on. He offered to buy Dean and drink (or two) after work and forced him to spill, which Dean, to his own surprise, did. It just felt good getting this off his chest. Ash cuffed him round the head, chastising him for being such an idiot and keeping this from him. He, of course, would have waived the bet. Dean Winchester seriously interested in someone was virtually unheard of and in the end he wanted him to be happy. He told him to get his shit together and grovel to the guy until judgment day if that was what it would take to get him back.

It took Dean two weeks, and numerous ribbings from his brother and friend, to work up the courage to give it one last try. He showed up at Cas' apartment one evening but Cas was out. Of fucking course. But the name on the apartment still read C. Novak, so Dean assumed he was still living there. He made himself comfortable on the floor and waited.

#

Castiel had spent the majority of the last two weeks beating himself up for how stupid and trusting he had been, interspersed with missing Dean, hating Dean and missing him some more. He still hadn't deleted those voicemails and more than once was tempted to call, but thankfully his pride stopped him. At least he went back to work but other than that he pretty much turned into a hermit, the occasional being dragged out by Gabe aside.

Most of his evenings were spent thinking and grousing. His faith and convictions, as well as his pride, were in crisis. Castiel just didn't really know what to believe anymore. Maybe sometimes a cover was all that you could judge a book by. Clearly his first impression of Dean had been the correct one, and maybe some people just weren't ever able to be more or to change their ways. Castiel wanted to go and punch him so many times he lost count. He had a very hard time holding on to his philosophy of forgiveness. He hadn't even been able to go to his group and ignored his friends' calls. He was simply too ashamed. And it wasn't the fact that he fell for a guy, he would have been able to justify that, but the righteous indignation and rage he felt was so alien to him, so far from everything he had always upheld, he couldn't face people while feeling like this.

On top of it all he must be a frigging masochist for still missing the guy. During long and sleepless nights he had a hard time ignoring all those good memories of their shared time together, Dean's brazen but funny nature, the way he made Castiel smile and come out of his shell, until he reminded himself that those memories were all fake. How Dean acted had all been part of this ploy to make Castiel fall for him. He just wanted to forget the man ever existed and go back to the way his life used to be.

And over time it seemed to be getting easier, only the occasional thought of the man slipping in as Castiel threw himself into his work. And the burden he carried around was slowly starting to lift. But of course that was when he saw the black car parked outside his apartment building when he got home from work and his world came crashing down again.

Castiel's body tensed and he couldn't breathe. He could feel the rage he had thought he'd let go off rush back to the surface full force. His first instinct was to just leave, to run, but this was his home and he wouldn't take this lying down. He had been hiding away from this for too long. He couldn't live forever in fear of running into the man and what might happen. But he had some nerve showing up here.

He stormed up the two flights of stairs to his apartment and then he saw him. Dean was sat on the floor, leaning against his door.

When he noticed Cas he jumped to his feet.

"Cas-" was all he was able to say before he felt Castiel's knuckles connect with his jaw.

"Ouch," Castiel groaned, shaking out his fist. Hitting someone frigging hurt.

Dean rubbed his sore jaw. The guy knew how to throw a good punch. He never had Cas down for that.

"Guess I deserved that." he stated, looking at Cas, feeling his heart speed up. God, he missed him.

"Dean, just leave."

"Cas please- I just need to talk to you, please." Dean implored.

"There's nothing you could possibly say to me." Castiel stated coldly, despite his hear hammering in his chest.

"Please, I know what this looks like and, I just need five minutes to explain."

"I said NO!" the blue eyed man yelled, opening the door to his apartment.

"Fine, I'll just wait here until you will listen to me." Dean said slumping back down to the floor.

"Suit yourself," Castiel grumbled before he slammed the door shut. He leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily. He could not do this. He wanted nothing more than go out there and shout at Dean. Tell him once and for all how what he had done to him made him feel. And then ask him to just go and never come back. But he couldn't even move, let alone string a coherent sentence together. Because out there was Dean, and most of all Castiel wanted to ask him whether any of it had been real. But he was scared of the answer.

He took to pacing the apartment, the possible presence of Dean outside his front door burning in the back of his skull. Castiel tried to ignore it and go about his business, preparing some food he knew he most likely wouldn't eat. He eventually settled for a glass of wine and sitting on the couch, staring at the blank wall, while Dean was haunting his thoughts.

After about an hour and a half he couldn't take it anymore. He had to know whether the man made good on his threat and planted himself outside his front door or whether he had given up and went home. He opened the door and was immediately met with green eyes staring up at him from his spot on the floor.

"Dean," Cas sighed exasperated.

"Cas, I-"

"Please just go home."

"No. Cas please, I'm begging you here. If anything, anything of what we've been through together meant anything to you, you please let me explain."

"Meant anything?" Castiel spat out. "That is rich coming from you! Was any of it real? Or was it all just one sick joke?" he thundered.

"Of course it was real." Dean protested, finally getting up on his feet, giving him a slight advantage in height. He was rewarded with an ice cold stare and Cas taking a step back.

Dean held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. "I mean- at first no, but damn Cas, I never felt what I feel for you for anyone. I didn't even know it was possible. Please, I'm begging you, five minutes and then if you want me gone I promise I will leave you alone. And I'd rather not do this out here for everyone to hear but I will if you-"

"Fine." Cas knew he shouldn't. Knew he should just shut the door in the other man's face, but he also wanted answers, if only to be able to move on. Because whether he liked it or not, Dean still was under his skin.

"Ok, five minutes and then I want you gone," he gritted out, motioning for Dean to follow him inside.

They sat down on opposite sides of the kitchen table. Dean remembered the apartment all too well. Recalled that first afternoon, when all he had wanted was to get into Cas' pants. He cringed at the memory and some of the stuff he had said.

"Why?" Castiel started before Dean could find the right words to explain himself, to beg for forgiveness. No matter how many times he had rehearsed this in his head, he now couldn't get himself to talk.

"Was it just for fun? A nice challenge to get to bed the stupid, naïve, virgin? Do people really mean that little to you that you can just use them for you twisted form of entertainment? Have you got no empathy whatsoever? And why me? Why not Anna then or one of the other people that night? What have I done to you?" He fired the questions too fast for Dean to answer, he knew that but he just needed to get it all out.

"Cas, I-"

"Castiel!" he corrected Dean.

"What?"

"My name, it is Castiel."

Dean flinched at that. Cas rejecting his pet name for him hurt more than all the other stuff he was throwing at him. It was something just between the two of them, but he nodded his head in understanding.

"Castiel," it sounded too formal and strange on his tongue. "You haven't done anything wrong. I, I know I'm an idiot, believe me. And yes, I was a dick, letting myself getting edged on into a stupid juvenile bet, not thinking about the other person involved. Frankly, I'm not a nice person. And quite possibly you will be better off without me but man, I have to at least try. I- you make me feel things I never felt for anyone else and I know you feel them too. I can understand that you hate me right now, but- I want to make this right. I got to know you and I respect what you and your friends are trying to do with your lives-"

Cas rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Yeah, that _really_ means a lot to me!"

"No, really I do. And from about the second time we met it had never been about this stupid bet anymore."

"So why didn't you end it then, before, you know?" Castiel said, sounding bitter. "Why keep on going, letting your friend believe you're still in it. God, I can only image the way you bragged about how you managed to wrap the stupid virgin round your finger."

"I don’t know why I didn't just call it quits, ok. I really don't. I wanted to, that evening you came over I already made up my mind to tell Ash the bet was off. Then things just happened too fast and I was happy and you were there, and I wasn't even thinking about it anymore until- that stupid text came."

"And that should make me feel better?"

"No, it's just, that's how it was. No point in telling you something just to make it sound less shitty." Dean gulped at that. "I mean, uh- the truth now, ok. I am telling it like it was. The more time I spent with you, the more I got to like you and the more I understood what you told me that first afternoon, about how much more this all means when you get to know someone first. Castiel, I never had a proper relationship. I had no point of reference. I didn't really know what was happening between us. Look, I'm emotionally constipated to put it bluntly, my brother reminds me of that often enough, and-"

"Dean, that doesn't excuse what-" Castiel had his hands clenched into fists now to stop him from shaking. He wanted to believe Dean, he really did but logic told him not to be that gullible again.

"I know, I know, that doesn't excuse my actions. But you have to believe me, you and me, it was real. It started on a false premise but it was real! I should have told Ash straight away this whole thing was off, I just thought I get around to it, damn it Castiel." Dean said exasperated by the still cold glare he received from the other man. He sighed.

"If it really was just about the fucking bet I could have done it, could have boned you that Thursday night, you know that." Dean looked at Castiel who averted his gaze, blushing slightly at the memory. "But I just couldn't because you are important to me and what you care about I started to care about. I have never felt like this about anyone and I know you will find it hard to believe me-"

"How could I ever believe anything that comes out of your mouth, Dean? How do I even know what you're telling me now is not just some shit you're feeding me to, as you so eloquently put it, 'bone' me after all." Castiel snapped, angry at himself, at Dean, at the world in general.

"I know there is no reason for you to believe me but it's the truth. What I said that night is how I feel about you. I want to treat you right, to court you, to even send you fucking flowers and-"

"Dean, please-" Castiel implored. Memories of that night, and how good it had felt being curled up next to the man, laughing and seemingly not having a care in the world, were clouding his judgment. Despite all this mess he missed Dean and he could feel his resolve crumble. Dean sounded so sincere but then, so he had in the past when all he'd done was feed him a bunch of lies. But would Dean really be so desperate to go through all this groveling just to bed him after all? Castiel knew he wasn't anything special. The other man could get his kicks anywhere he wanted to. But he was not ready to get hurt again. He had to stop this now before he couldn't anymore.

"Dean, I think you need to leave now." His voice was shaking as he spoke.

"Castiel, don’t." Dean pleaded. "Please, just tell me what it takes to make this right. Please. I'm literally begging you here. I'm not too proud to get on my knees for you. Just give me something, anything, please." And he actually sank to the floor in front of Cas, feeling very foolish in doing so but to hell with it.

They both sat in silence for a long time. Castiel glancing at Dean, knelt in front of him, intermittently. The guy made no indication of getting up from that position but remained there, glancing up at him. And Castiel felt something tugging inside of him. Proud Dean Winchester on his knees before him, it was actually a sight to behold. He rolled the whole situation around in his head. The only thing that stopped him from throwing Dean out was the knowledge that he was stating the truth. He could have just taken what he wanted that night and yet he hadn't. Castiel had been prepared to give him everything and more and despite that, Dean had stopped, had cared for what he knew to be very important to him. Still, would that small fleck of light be enough to build a relationship on, let alone one that could last?

"I don't know if I could ever trust you again." Castiel was the first one to break the silence, the shaky voice resembling the war that was still going on inside of him.

Dean's head shot up, looking at the man, meeting his eyes, eyes that still were full of hurt. Dean swallowed back the lump in his throat. He tentatively took one of Castiel's hands in his own, and was relieved when he didn't retract his hand.

"Then let me prove it to you. Let me regain your trust."

"Dean, I-"

"Cas- Castiel, please. Let me make this right, or at leas try. On your terms, whatever you are or are not comfortable with, just don't- I don't want to lose you."

And Dean sounded so raw and genuine, so much more so than Castiel had ever heard him. There was none of his usual playfulness or bravado left in his voice, and he could feel himself falter.

"My terms?" Castiel asked, staring at Dean.

"Yes, whatever you want or don't want."

Castiel thought about this for a long time.

"Even if I tell you to leave?" He asked in a near whisper.

Dean's face fell, a heavy sigh escaping him. "Yes," he replied, letting go off Cas' hand. If Cas really wanted him to go, thought there was nothing left to fight for, he would have to respect that.

And somehow it was that small 'yes' that helped Castiel make up his mind. Dean, apparently true to his word, would leave if that was what he wanted of him. Just Castiel realized at that point he did not want him to go. He had no idea precisely what he wanted but he had an inkling what he wanted might involve Dean.

"I would want us to see someone. My pastor or a counselor. I would need to find a way to trust you again. And I don't know how to do that right now."

Dean had been mentally prepared to get up and leave so Castiel's words hit him out of the blue. His head snapped up, making sure he had heard the man correctly. "Ok, yes, of course." Dean agreed quickly, grabbing hold of Cas' hand again. He would go and talk about his fucking feelings and what an ass he was, if it helped regain the man's trust.

"You would have to be ok with not having sex with me while we work things out and see if we can make this work. I want to hold on to my beliefs, despite- what almost happened. Probably even more so because of it. If you cannot do that, please tell me now."

"I- yes, yes I can do that. No sex, how hard can it be, right? I want to do this properly this time. I even come to your fucking group with you if you want me to." Cas smiled at that. The first smile Dean had seen on the man's face all evening. And it made his stomach flutter. The light seemed to be back in his eyes.

"Ok, let's start there then. Monday evening, you and I will attend group and we take it from there. Maybe have a sit down with the leader after."

"Yes," Dean sighed relieved, and he was sure he saw another small smile flicker across Cas' face.

"Thanks Castiel." He felt like getting up and hugging him but it was Cas' terms and Dean was going to respect this. Instead he gave his hand a small squeeze and his heart warmed when he squeezed back.

"Dean."

"Yes?"

"You can call me Cas, if you want." Their eyes met and Dean was so happy he could feel his eyes water. Things might just work themselves out.

"Cas," he repeated almost reverently, smiling up at the blue eyed man.

"Can I- God Cas, I would like to kiss you now but you know, your terms." Dean stayed where he was, suddenly conscious he was still on the floor, kneeling in front of Cas, but not giving a damn.

Castiel looked pensive for a moment before gently tugging Dean by the arms. "I would like that," he smiled, cupping Dean's jaw with his hands and leaning down to meet his lips in a gentle kiss.

Dean hummed into the kiss, he was just so glad to be allowed to have this again. It felt like finally coming home. He held himself back, letting Cas dictate the speed and intensity of the kiss. It was gentle and full of promise of things that might be to come and Dean for the first time in weeks felt, really believed, that this could work, that they might be able to get past this and get back to what they had, and maybe even more. He sure would die trying rather than to give up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope I managed to do a believable portrayal of their reunion. That it didn't seem rushed or too unreal. 
> 
> Now for the epilogue, and well, some sexy times :)


End file.
